Category Archives: 3-star

Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me by Chelsea’s Family, Friends, and Other Victims

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I find Chelsea Handler hilarious. She has that perfect amount of meanness about her that I find endlessly amusing. I wish I could watch Chelsea Lately more, but dude it comes on late and I am a bum that likes to go to sleep earlier than that. This review probably won’t be very long, which is why it’s beefed up with Chelsea Handler GIF’s.

chelseas duh face

So this, as you can probably guess, is a book compiled of stories from various people in Chelsea’s life about the lies and pranks that she pulled on them. OBVIOUSLY you’re in for a good treat there. Since each chapter is by a different person, there were some chapters that just didn’t work for me because I didn’t like the person’s style or tone, but those were just a couple. There were several chuckle-worth moments and one part in particular that actually had me laughing hysterically (at work, so it’s a good thing I work alone).

Damn... I should've read this book while drinking...

Damn… I should’ve read this book while drinking…

What I liked in particular though is that all of these people, after ALL of the crap that Chelsea has pulled on them, still totally love her. Almost every story mentioned that if she’s screwing with you, it’s because she likes you, and that no matter what she’s an awesome, loyal person. Sure they could just be saying that to suck up to her, but I don’t necessarily think that’s the case. One story in particular about how she tricked her friend into stashing Excedrin into her lady parts (she told her friend it was Ecstasy) to get through the airport security actually revealed that lengths that she would go to help snap her friends back to reality when they’re going down a bad path.

chelsea judges you

Soooo other than that – a funny book that makes me laugh and also makes me wish that I knew Chelsea Handler in real life – what else am I supposed to say? It’s funny and amusing, read it when you need something a quick book that’s light and fluffy. I bet it’d be a GREAT beach read.

chelsea says enoy

Sarah Says: 3.5 stars

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Filed under 3-star, Humor, Non-fiction

The River of No Return by Bee Ridgway

BEE RIDGWAY

 

Sadly, I didn’t love The River of No Return the way I was hoping to.

So, Nick is an English dude from the 1800′s who is about to die in a nasty battle when suddenly he transports roughly 200 years into the future to 2003. Cool. An organization called the Guild picks him up, makes him spend a year learning about the modern day along with some other accidental time travellers, and then sends him off with a buttload of money to quiety live the rest of his years in the northeast of America. A decade goes by and Nick is quite accustomed to the fun things of our age – easy women, jeans, cars, watches and all that – but then he suddenly gets a summons from the Guild. They’re sending him on a mission back to his past.

Julia is a young lady in the 1800′s mourning the death of her grandfather. Her giant douche of a cousin shows up to inherit the estate, and he constantly quizzes and berates Julia while he searches for some special object that he thinks gave her grandfather his ability to manipulate time. And then Julia finds out that SHE can manipulate time as well, and must struggle to hide this from her cousin and try to escape his clutches.

So obviously when Nick goes back, he and Julia cross paths (easy enough, since they lived next door) and fall in love, yada yada yada.

Let’s start with the things I really liked about the book, kay? I liked the whole idea of time travel via feelings. Apparently you use emotions to travel along the river of time. Interesting concept. I liked the idea of a secret society (the Guild) and the idea of time travelling, being taught about the time you’re in, and then being sent on your way to just chill. I liked Nick well enough, as well as Julia. They both had spunk, which I enjoyed. I also liked Arkady, who was a grumbly Russian guy who said things like this:

“You are a man. We will save her. Why? Because it’s beautiful and romantic to do so. We will fight this maniac like the men we are – with fists. Why? Because it’s beautiful and romantic to do so.”

How can you not love that?

But now on to the things that made me not love this book…

The thing between Nick and Julia had a hint of insta-love about it. I mean really, it’s very love-at-first-sight.

My biggest complaint: It was so slooooowww. By page 160 (out of 450), the main characters hadn’t even really met yet. By page 300 I was glad that the romance factor was finally picking up but I STILL felt like I was waiting for the story to start. There was so much build-up and mystery to the secret society conspiracies that it seemed to take forever to get anywhere, and I felt just as confused and frustrated as Nick did. And I felt like the end is where things really finally started to happen, which means it ended with some unresolved issues. I’m assuming there might be a sequel, but it’s not confirmed on the Bee Ridgway’s website as far as I can tell.

Sooo yeah. The writing was enjoyable, but the storyline was just way too drawn-out for me. Even if I knew a sequel was coming, I’m not sure I’ll want to read it because it took SO LONG to be set up in this book. I’ll have to wait and see.

I am pretty sure I’m in the minority here - plenty of fellow bloggers read and loved this book, so don’t be discouraged. Give it a try. Maybe The River of No Return just wasn’t my jam.

 

Sarah Says: 2.5 stars

 

 

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Filed under 3-star, Fiction

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

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Awwww. Patroclus & Achilles.

I’m feeling a bit lazy today, partly because I’m watching my almost 2 year-old nephew L, and I’m already a bit worn out! So here’s the description from the dust jacket:

The legend begins…

Greece in the age of heroes. Patroclus, an awkward young prince, has been exiled to the kingdom of Phthia to be raised in the shadow of King Peleus and his golden son, Achilles. “The best of all the Greeks”—strong, beautiful, and the child of a goddess—Achilles is everything the shamed Patroclus is not. Yet despite their differences, the boys become steadfast companions. Their bond deepens as they grow into young men and become skilled in the arts of war and medicine—much to the displeasure and the fury of Achilles’ mother, Thetis, a cruel sea goddess with a hatred of mortals.

When word comes that Helen of Sparta has been kidnapped, the men of Greece, bound by blood and oath, must lay siege to Troy in her name. Seduced by the promise of a glorious destiny, Achilles joins their cause, and torn between love and fear for his friend, Patroclus follows. Little do they know that the Fates will test them both as never before and demand a terrible sacrifice.

Why don’t I read more books about ancient Greece? There’s so much passion and tragedy and brutality. Troy was my favorite movie for ages. And yeah I know it’s not exactly faithful to the story or legend of whatever, but it was still an awesome movie that made me cry in the theater.

So, yeah, this was a really well-written book. Obviously it was big on the love and romance and it wouldn’t be Greek without the tragedy part of it. Patroclus & Achilles were SO SWEET, and so perfect for each other. Patroclus is a good kid, even if he’s a bit timid at times. And I really liked Achilles in this book, for the most part – he’s shown mostly as a normal boy growing up, but with a self-assurance and grace that the other boys don’t have. He always speaks simply and honestly. And he didn’t take a particular joy in fighting or violence – instead he took pride in his abilities, as an athlete.

Also, I really liked the pace of this book. I’m glad that most of the 10 years of the Trojan War are kind of glazed over, but the book never got dull. I read it pretty rapidly.

This book was really sweet and a bit sad and I enjoyed it lots. It also made me realize… maybe I should attempt reading The Illiad and The Odyssey eventually. I had to read parts of The Odyssey in college and it bored me to tears, but I think that with some Sparknotes or something I could probably appreciate it a lot more now. I always assumed that there’s just no way I’m ever going to even try to read them in their entirety because they’re so intimidating, but maybe I could do it! Maybe.

Anyways, so yes! The Song of Achilles is good book, especially if you like Greek stories.

Sarah Says: 3.5 stars

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Filed under 3-star, Fiction

Hell to Pay by Matthew Hughes

Matthew Hughes

This is the third (and last, I believe) book in the To Hell and Back trilogy by Matthew Hughes. You can check out my reviews of The Damned Busters and Costume Not Included. Be warned, there are spoilers here for those first two books!

At the end of Costume Not Included, things were a little wonky. Satan, Hardacre, Chesney’s Mom, and Joshua were all chilling in the Garden of Evil working on a new draft of the Bible. And from spending time in Joshua’s presence, Chesney was cured of his autism and now behaved and thought more like a normal person.

Now Chesney (with the help of his demon sidekick Xaphan) is battling bad guys out-of-town while Melda tries to manage the financial assets that Hardacre left in their care. Chesney also learns that Poppy Paxton hasn’t been the same since Xaphan wiped her memory of the horrible things she saw, and he’s determined to make it right. Meanwhile, Satan’s archduke Adramalek knows that something suspicious is going on when he can’t contact Satan and Xaphan isn’t talking. Also, there are warrior dinosaurs.

Basically a lot of crap hits the fan, and it went in a really odd direction. There were still some enjoyable parts and I was happy to see more of Xaphan, but the first book in this series was definitely the best. I feel like the ending of this book was a bit of a cop-out, honestly. But remember how I mentioned that Chesney becomes normal at the end of the second book? Well that bothered me, because Chesney’s high-functioning autism kind of made him fun. Well at least in this book, he learns that sometimes being normal kind of sucks, and that made me happy.

Anyways, this was an okay book but a disappointing end to the series. I wish there was a book just about Xaphan!

Sarah Says: 3 stars

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Filed under 3-star, Fantasy, Fiction

Moloka’i by Alan Brennert

Alan Brennert

You wouldn’t expect such a beautiful cover to be about such a horrible topic. You’re probably looking at that cover thinking “Ooohhh pretty historical fiction about Hawaii!” and you’d be part right, except it’s also about leprosy and how Hawaiians diagnosed with it got shipped off to this island of Moloka’i to be there pretty much forever.

Specifically, this is the story of Rachel Kalama – an adorable 7-year old Hawaiian girl in 1891 who dreams of travelling the world like her dad. That dream gets shattered when some marks appear on her body and she’s declared a leper – she’s taken away from her family and sent to live at the leprosy settlement on Moloka’i, which is pretty much the place lepers live out their lives until they die.

This book slowly sucked me in – it took me a long while to really connect with Rachel, possibly because her story starts at such a young age. But watching her grow up with leprosy and seeing how it affects everyone around her became really interesting, and I ended up reading most of this book in one day. I didn’t really know much about leprosy or how it was such a big issue for Hawaii at one time.

Rachel was a good character, and I like how much fight she had in her in day-to-day situations, as well as her spirit and determination to try to beat leprosy. She also grew close to a lot of great characters – her “aunt” Haleola, her friends Catherine, Kenji, and Leilani. And of course because this is about a girl and her friends struggling with a horrible disease, I teared up a bit here and there.

Overall this was a good book, but I didn’t love it. I have no complaints about it, and I feel like some parts of it will stay with me for a long time, but I don’t think it’s the kind of book I’ll be raving about to friends. Still, if you like unique historical fiction then this book should totally be right up your alley.

Sarah Says: 3 stars

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Filed under 3-star, Historical Fiction

One Good Earl Deserves a Lover by Sarah MacLean

Sarah MacLean

I admit, I’m not really up for reviewing this right now. I just want to review it so I can put it away. I finished it over the weekend, and I don’t really have anything else to review right now, so here we are.

One Good Earl Deserves a Lover (what a lame title) is a historical romance, good for a quick read with some sexy bits. It’s brain candy, which is exactly what I needed at the end of last week.

Pippa is the heroine – she’s a girl in glasses who loves science, and she’s engaged to be married in two weeks to Lord Castleton, and she looks forward to living out her days with her dogs and scientific experiments. But before she gets married, she needs to know exactly how to go about being a wife and no one seems willing to tell her about the more intimate details. So she seeks out Cross, a co-owner for a famous London gaming club with a devilish reputation. Just by asking him for his help in answering her questions about what happens in the marriage bed, she threatens to ruin everything he’s worked for.

And so on and so forth. I’m feeling lazy, so let’s bullet-point this. Things I liked:

  • That Pippa was a nerdy girl. You don’t see that a whole lot in historical romance, but she liked reading and anatomy and horticulture and all that fun stuff. It might have been a bit overdone in spots, but still.
  • There were a couple steamy scenes, for those of you that really care only about those parts.
  • She’s not a jerk to Lord Castleton, the guy she’s engaged to but who she obviously does not end up with.
  • It was overall entertaining, and Pippa has a few really great stand-out moments.
  • I really like the cover… the colors and the wallpaper and just really pretty.

Things I didn’t like:

  • Cross had a bunch of different co-owners of his gaming hell and I could barely keep them all straight. And the whole drama surrounding his past was a bit silly.
  • Well, overall this whole plot was a bit silly…
  • The romance between them didn’t really feel genuine.
  • There was a lot of redundancy. The characters kind of repeated the same lines and sentiments over and over. A little more plot or action would have been nice.

This was a cute fluffy romance, but definitely not the best. Good for a quick mindless read.

Sarah Says: 3 stars

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Filed under 3-star, Fluff, Romance

Blackberry Winter by Sarah Jio

Blackberry Winter by Sarah Jio

 

Blackberry Winter tells the story of two women. Vera is a poor woman living in Seattle in 1933, and she kisses her 3-year old son before leaving for work one night. When she gets out the next morning, there’s a surprise May-time snowstorm and she rushes home, only to discover that her son Daniel is missing. Claire is a modern-day woman, a reporter at a Seattle newspaper. Her boss picks her to cover the freak springtime snowstorm happening outside, she learns about a little boy gone missing in a similar snowstorm 80 years ago. Vowing to find out what happened to that little boy, she discovers that her and Vera have an unexpected connection.

This was a quick, cozy story with a tragic note about it. The chapters alternate between Vera and Claire’s points of view, and each woman has a bit of a sad story to tell. While the mystery of the missing child was enough to keep me reading (well, and all the descriptions of warm coffee shops and pretty snowstorms), I never really connected to either Claire or Vera. It might because I’m not a parent and while the whole missing-child thing is really sad, it didn’t really break my heart. Also, Vera wasn’t really a likable character. She was sweet, but she was one of those frustrating characters who kind of martyr themselves and hence cause their own problems. Because of this, the story seemed a bit forced.

 I prefer Sarah Jio writing about romance and lost loves WAY more, such as in The Bungalow. If you’re going to try one of her novels, start there.

Sarah Says: 2.5 stars

 

 

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Filed under 3-star, Fiction

The Baby Boon: How Family-Friendly America Cheats the Childless by Elinor Burkett

childless, non-fiction

My thoughts about The Baby Boon are a little scattered, and reviewing non-fiction is always a little hard, so I apologize if I end up making no sense.

I feel like I need a bit of an intro here… I don’t have kids, and really don’t want any. I just… don’t.  Also, this book was published in 2000, so it’s almost 15 years old at this point.

Okay so the book is about how basically in an effort for politicians and lawmakers to look “family-friendly” and hence get more votes, they’ve created a lot of policies that end up discriminating against people who don’t have kids. People with kids get a crap ton of extra tax deductions and tax credits (for each kid they have), which means the childless are getting stuck paying more than their fair share in taxes. It’s mandatory that companies offer maternity leave (I think the average is about 12 weeks) for women who have babies, but there is no comparable benefit available to people without kids AND the employees without kids often pick up the slack while a woman is out on maternity leave, which violates the “equal pay for equal work” laws. And society as a whole has also picked up this weird trend of catering to people with kids – some companies offer reduced rates on day-care services, some offer to help pay your kid’s tuition, etc. Stores now have “Expectant Mother” and “Women with small children” parking spaces next to the handicapped ones. All of this is SO frustrating for people who don’t have kids – whether they want kids but can’t have them, don’t have kids yet, don’t want kids, aren’t allowed to adopt kids (this mostly refers to same-sex couples), older people who had kids that are grown now, etc.

So, let’s talk about some of the things I enjoyed about this book.

  • Burkett talks a bit about how and why exactly this family-friendly craze came about.
  • She pointed out that feminist organizations were also a part of the family-friendly movement and they supported a lot of the laws we have now that favor families and ignore the childless. It’s something I hadn’t really thought of before, but these organizations were trying to gain more followers by supporting women with children who were trying to get into the workforce – but by doing this, they have essentially pitted mothers against childless women, which contradicts the point of being feminist and supporting ALL women.
  • She discussed how shortly after the family-friendly trend started, the “for the children” trend came along glorifying children and proclaiming that they were the most important thing and have the be protected from everything. And from that, we now have laws that increase the penalties of spousal abuse if it’s witnessed by a child. THIS IS SO STUPID. Way to devalue the life and health of the woman being beaten by her husband.
  • Burkett also mentioned that the childless even get discriminated against in other basic areas, such as medical care. It’s not uncommon for doctors to refuse to perform voluntary sterilization on child-bearing aged women who haven’t had kids yet, and some doctors insist men without kids go through counselling before performing a vasectomy on them. Yet there’s no counselling required to have kids…

I could go on and on about the many issues that Burkett touches on in this book that I appreciated, or that are just SO UNJUST, but let’s move on to the things I didn’t like about this book.

  • The beginning and end of The Baby Boon were most enjoyable and readable because those were the parts that focused on the issues above. The middle got bogged down by a lot of politics. The author went back and forth with “and then Clinton did that” and “Republicans did this” and it got confusing as well as boring. I appreciated her trying to point out how exactly the family-friendly craze started, but she didn’t do it in a clear and concise way. It muddled the point she was trying to get at.
  • She tried to tie class issues into this, and it was a mess. Yes, I agree that the poor deserve a little more help than the middle class people making a lot more money. But this distracted from the overall message of not discriminating against the childless.
  • I wish there had been a section on what you can do to fight this inequality, or a list of organizations to support for that cause, but there wasn’t. However after looking online, maybe that’s because short of childless people starting to sue their employers for discrimination, there’s not a whole lot we CAN do yet. That’s really sad, because I would totally join that organization. We need a lobbyist group for childless people.
  • She ended the book on a hopeful note, saying that in the future years the childless people would start to be more outspoken and try to fight this discrimination. And it just made me sad, because 15-years later the situation is possibly even worse than when she wrote this.

SO. The Baby Boon was pretty interesting and had a lot of good information and made a lot of good points, but I didn’t love it because of that big political section in the middle. Finger-pointing at whether this is all the fault of Republicans or Democrats isn’t helping anything. I did really enjoy reading something that matched my general outrage at a lot of these things though, and I think I’m going to search out more books about being childfree.

Sarah Says: 3.5 stars

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Filed under 3-star, Non-fiction

The Age of Miracles by Karen Thompson Walker

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This one was a let down for me.

One morning pre-teen Julia and the rest of the world wake up to some alarming news – the Earth’s rotation has slowed by 56 minutes, and it doesn’t show any signs of stopping. They don’t know how long it will go on, or what’s causing it, but the days are getting longer. Julia and her family try to adjust to this new Earth.

There’s one key phrase in the blurb on the book jacket that should have told me I wasn’t going to particularly enjoy this book – “coming of age”. Coming of age novels hardly ever work out well for me. Julia is about 11 and just coming into those teenage years, so this book focuses a lot more on her being lonely and friendless, her first crush on the stereotypical skater boy with a tragic story, on her family dynamics, and so on. The huge effects of the Earth’s rotation slowing were kind of going on in the background, so if that’s what makes this book sound interesting to you, I’d skip it.

I guess my problem with this book is just that it was slow-paced and there wasn’t a whole lot happening. I’m sure this was intentional, to match the gradual slowing of the Earth’s spin, but it made for kind of a boring read. And while the focus on Julia and her life make this seem like a YA book, it’s not quite written as one – the language and prose is a lot more mature, because Julia is actually telling the story as an adult later on, looking back at that time in her life.

Once again, an interesting premise that just could have been done better, I think.

Sarah Says: 2.5 stars

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Filed under 3-star, Fiction, YA

Jam by Yahtzee Croshaw

Jam 2

The apocalypse comes in the form of strawberry-scented, carnivorous jam. I don’t care what anyone says, this is a genius premise for a novel.

Travis wakes up one day and ends up watching his flatmate Frank get devoured by red jam. Going back to his apartment upstairs, he can see that jam has flooded the city as far as the eye can see. A rag-tag group of survivors join together, as they try to navigate the jam in search of different objectives – a place to survive, a hard drive from work, the truth about the jam, etc.

The idea for this book is SO genius. Apocalyptic fiction has gotten crazily popular these days, so much so that it all starts to sound the same. When I spotted this book in the bookstore and read the description, I was super excited to find something unique. The obstacles and problems that come with man-eating jam are so much more different from the zombie scenario we’ve all become so used to imagining. It’s basically a game of “The Floor is Lava” except you really will die if you touch it.

Sadly, Jam could have been better. Travis, the main character, is kind of a whiny beta male who becomes weirdly attached to a giant tarantula and basically every person he comes in contact with. The other characters are kind of one-dimensional – they each have a specific personality trait and that’s it. “Hey I’m the guy that’s going to be angry all the time.” “Hey I’m the girl that’s going to swear this is all a conspiracy.” and so on. Also, there’s one really weird and confusing section of the book about hipsters who form some sort of ironic cult, and that part of the book kind of dragged. It was also confusing as to why all the people went crazy SO fast, even though the whole book only spans about 9 days.

I still read this book really quickly (75% of it in just a day), because I wanted to know about the jam – how it came about, and whatnot. By the time it was all revealed in the last 40 pages or so, it seemed a bit anti-climactic. I enjoyed this book for the interesting idea, and for the dark, wry humor but overall it wasn’t the best*. Great premise, but not greatly executed.

Sarah Says: 2.5 stars

~Sarah

 

* Even though this book was a bit disappointing, Yahtzee Croshaw has another book called Mogworld out that I really want to try.

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Filed under 3-star, Fiction, Sci-Fi